One more week!!

Seven days to go and counting. Thanksgiving was nice with the in-laws (my family didn't do a dinner together this year). Next Thanksgiving, we'll probably have two little ones in tow. It's hard to imagine. I can't wait to hold my little boy!!

Date changed

We got a call yesterday from our VN facilitator, GT, that he had moved the G&R date up 3 days!! We're now getting Dylan on 12/8. We're leaving on 12/4 and arriving on 12/6. Hopefully, we'll get to fly to Danang that day and visit the orphanage. I can't believe we only have 15 days left before we leave! We have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Travel date!!

We got it! We're going to become Dylan's officials parents on Dec. 11, 2006. We're leaving the US on Dec. 6 and arriving in HCMC (Saigon), Vietnam on Dec. 8. We're scheduled to be back in Nashville on Dec. 23 (my mom's birthday!). Hopefully things will progress as quick as they planned so we'll indeed be home for Christmas. What a wonderful Christmas this will be!

We should get getting our visas next week sometime. We're pretty much packed, except for clothes we're still wearing and toiletries we're still using. We found out I won't be able to use my breastpump on the plane, so I think we're going to just take the manual part of it. That way, I won't lose the expensive part and it will take up MUCH less room. I just hope I can still keep my supply up while we're there, so I can feed Dylan breastmilk. I'm up to 12oz/day, which is great. Babies his age supposedly drink 24-32oz/day, so I'll only have to supplement half. We're very happy about that. And I have over 300oz frozen.

I feel like there's so much I need to be doing, but there's really not. We've been preparing for this day for so long, there's just not much left to do. We're SOOOO ready to become Mommy and Daddy and we're so blessed to have Dylan in our lives within a month!

Discouraged

We still don't have a travel date. We were supposed to get it within 7 days after wiring the rest of the money. It's been 15 days. Every day, I email the agency and every day, they say they're still waiting. Last week they said it would probably be between Dec. 4 & 8. Today, I found out our dossiers are held up in Hanoi and they have to be in DaNang before a G&R is scheduled. They're not sure what the holdup is, but now it looks like we're out to Dec. 8-11. Which means not being home for Christmas. We're really upset about this. I thought for sure we'd get our date today, only to find out it's going to be probably several more days before getting it. I know it seems like it's only a few days, but that means the difference in being home for Christmas. It means a difference in airfare because December is more expensive (according to our agent). And worst of all, it means a few days in the life of my son without him knowing us or us holding him. I'm just really upset right now.

Lots of news

It's been a hectic few days since I posted last. Friday I got a surprise baby shower at work. We got our second toybox (we wanted one for the living room and one for the nursery), and a TON of stuff off our registry. It was great and we also got some Walgreens gift cards to buy OTC medicine for the orphanage.

Friday night, I heard from the agency. We're going to Vietnam the last week in November/first week in December!!!! We thought we'd definitely be there over Christmas, but now it's looking like we'll be home!! We're SO excited. We started packing Dylan's stuff this weekend and it's pretty overwhelming. We have a list and it's longer for him than for us! Good thing, because the two suitcases we were planning on checking are almost full.

I got new photos and measurements. He's now 16.5 pounds. He'll be 7 months old in 2 days. Wow. He's getting old, and he's looking older in his pictures. I also got the pictures from my friend that went last month. He looks SOOOO cute and cuddly. I ache to hold him. I don't see how I'll ever be able to let him go and let anyone else hold him. But I know by the time I get home, I'll probably be ready for a little break. Maybe. I've waited SO long for this. I'm so ready.

Here's my friend that held him for me (I hope you don't mind me posting this!!):

Here he is with his signature smile that I keep falling in love with:

Here's the "crib" that he stays in:

Close up of his beautiful face:


These are from just 2 days ago:



We also celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on Sunday. It's been 7 wonderful years and we're both so excited to start the next phase of our lives together.

Missing my little man

I'm really missing Dylan today. Some days are better than others, but today is hard. I don't know why. I'm just SO ready to go get him. I got out the suitcases last night. Nothing is in them, yet, but they're out. There's no reason for us not to go ahead and get Dylan's stuff packed. We certainly won't need it before then. We're still missing a lot of stuff that we need for our trip, but we'll wait until after our last shower before buying anything.

We got the cutest little toy for him from eBay. You Moms of little ones have probably heard of Peek-a-Blocks. This is the hippo that picks up the blocks and stores then under the seat. He can sit on the seat and push around with his feet, or flip the seat up and use it as a walker. It's SO cute. We also ordered the giraffe and the elephant peek-a-block toys. That reminds me-I need to take that off my registry! I had registered for the giraffe and elephant. I've never seen the hippo before, though. I just like the fact that it will get him moving his legs.

I have a friend online that just got back from Vietnam and got some great pictures of Dylan. She hasn't been able to get them off her computer and to me yet, but hopefully this week. They're from the same time frame as the last ones I got from the agency (6 months). She said he was so happy and smiling, but cried when she put him down. She said he didn't look like he had teeth (but she wasn't inspecting him). She said he's a snuggle bug, which makes me very happy. I can't wait to snuggle with him. She said he looked healthy and proportionate. He's perfect! I want to hold him so bad it hurts.

There are only 10 weeks left in the year. We still haven't gotten a tentative travel date (which I thought we were supposed to get this week), but they're still saying December, so that means at the latest, we'll be gone in 9 weeks. I sure hope we're back by Christmas, which would mean we're going in 6 weeks. Only 6 weeks. I really need to start packing. Maybe that will occupy my time.

Baby showers and other stuff

First, we got new measurements on Dylan. He's now 15.5 pounds (only gained a pound this month) and 28" long. He's tall and skinny! We'll fatten him up, though. The milk production is going well. I'm getting around an ounce per session (up from 1/30th of an ounce). And I'm only on week 3.

I had my first baby shower Saturday, Oct. 14. It was a couples' shower at our house, hosted by Teresa and Deana. We had about 7 couples and we played games like making the men drink out of baby bottles and making the men eat baby food to guess the flavor. It was a lot of fun and I got some really great items.

The second shower was Sunday, Oct. 15. It was at church and was hosted by five ladies from church. That one was a bit calmer (no games), but again, I got a ton of great stuff! Dylan is definitely being showered with gifts. The next one that I know about is Sunday, Oct. 29. That one's for Chris' side of the family.

The amount of stuff we have now is almost overwhelming. We're running out of room! We had already purchased several items before the showers (like, enough for 3 kids), but much of it is for older ages, so we can store it. And then there's the strollers and carseats, which take up a lot of room, but won't be stored in the house for much longer. We'll be organizing it a bit more in the coming weeks.

We still haven't started working on the trip yet. I know we should work on a packing list, but the thought of spending 3 weeks halfway around the world caring for a baby for the first time in our lives has been a little overwhelming. I have a couple sample lists, and we've started compiling some items in a drawer that we know we'll need for Dylan. Other than that, nothing. It's so unlike me. I'm so freakishly organized that I like having a list for everything. I have a list of things to work on before travel and one thing on the list is to make a packing list. LOL. I make a list to remind me to make a list. Scary, huh? Anyway, I really need to work on that, but it's hard to get started. The first step is the hardest, right? Honestly, considering the cooler weather we're getting now, I could go ahead and pack my clothes, since it will be in the 80's there! I don't think I'll need summer clothes anymore this year in TN.

We're planning on getting souveniers for family, but if there's something specific you want (for the whole three family members that actually read this), let me know. Things are pretty inexpensive there, but we have limited packing space, of course. We're taking at least one suitcase full of donations for the orphanage, so we'll use those on the way back for souveniers.

First scary mommy moment!!

Friday started like any normal day. I worked, I went home, I pumped every 3 hours. Friday night, I got online and checked my Yahoo groups I'm on. I see a post about a storm heading towards Vietnam. Then I read this storm was a category 4 typhoon (same as a hurricane, just in a different hemisphere, I believe) heading straight for DaNang. It had already ripped through the Phillipinnes and killed dozens of people (the count is now up to over 100). The eye was forecasted to hit Sat. night/Sun. morning in DaNang. My heart stopped. I started bawling and was scared to death. I've never felt so helpless in my life. Here I was, sitting in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, with beautiful weather, and my precious son was halfway around the world, in an orphanage, with the worst storm in 3 decades heading right for him, and there was NOTHING I could do. It's the worst feeling in the world.

Saturday morning I got up and checked the weather. The typhoon was still a category 4 and still heading for DaNang. I called Carl, our agency director. He didn't seem to be aware there was a typhoon heading for the city (he didn't have access to a computer that day and communication was down with the folks in VN). He said he would try his best to get in contact with GT, our in-country facilitator. He was there with 2 families adopting their babies from the same orphanage. I had heard they had already left and were in Hanoi (northern VN). I knew hundreds of thousands had been evacuated, but I didn't know if the orphanage even could.

All morning and evening, I looked for articles, scouring internet sites, just trying to find any info I could. It wasn't looking promising, though. Sunday morning I got up and saw the storm had hit as a category 2. Several people were dead, dozens injured. Hundreds of homes were destroyed, buildings were missing roofs, people were missing. I called Carl again and he told me he finally got in touch with GT. The babies were all safely evacuated to the hospital in DaNang about 5 miles inland (the orphanage is only 1 mile inland). He promised me they were all safe, but didn't know about the orphanage. Hearing that news filled me with such relief. I don't think I realized how worried and stressed I was until I heard he was ok.

Today I found out the orphanage was badly damaged. The roof is gone, the windows are gone, stuff inside and out is broken. I shudder to think what would have happened if Dylan had not been taken to the hospital before the storm. I thank God that my baby is ok, and hope the orphanage can get put back together soon. I also hope this doesn't delay any adoptions. This weekend made me really realize (if I didn't already) that I'm a mommy and I love and care about that little boy more than anyone in the world.

3 great things!

1. Our yard sale went GREAT! We made $1250 over 3 days. That's almost enough for a round-trip plane ticket! Thank you SO much to everyone who helped, either by donating items, donating time, or sending up prayers on our behalf. And a big special thanks to my dad and my mother-in-law. They were there before the crack of dawn on Friday to help us set up and stayed all day to help manage the crowds. Even with the thunderstorms and tornado warnings, we had huge crowds. That really meant so much to us to have their help.

Any items left over were donated to another couple at our church who are having a yard sale this weekend to raise money for their adoption.

2. I started the next phase of the protocal for induced lactation. I went to my consultant and she hooked up the pump to show me how to work it, but we didn't expect any milk for weeks. Lo and behold, I had drops within minutes!! It's truly amazing what the human body can do. Here I am, never been pregnant in my life, and I'm producing breastmilk to nourish my baby! It's amazing enough when birth moms can do it, but me...wow. I just thank God for giving me the ability to provide this special gift to our son and allow me to bond with him in this way. Now we just have to pray I get more than a few drops! I'm saving every drop to freeze, but it's very very little at this point. I have to pump every 3 hours (except at night for now) and each session yields about 1cc of milk. That's 1/30th of an ounce. It will happen, though!

3. We got new pics of Dylan on his 6-month birthday yesterday. My baby boy is 6 months old already!! He's SO beautiful and I love him more every day. His daddy and I are so proud to have him as our son and we just can't wait to get him home. Still no news on travel, but again, that won't happen until a couple weeks before it's time to go. We hope to hear something before Thanksgiving.

Update on Dylan!! (and more exciting news)

We got an update today. He's now 14 pounds, 9 ounces and 27.5 inches long. I think he's going to be tall! I'm going to try to post his pictures. The first is from 7 weeks, then 3 months, then 5 months. I wish they hadn't cut his hair, though!!




The other exciting news is that we've decided to start the second adoption now. We are #14 on the list for a girl, and are expecting a referral in March/April. We'll travel in June/July. We're trying to get my mom to go with us so she can help with Dylan. I just don't want to leave him for 3 weeks after being home only 6 months. We're SO excited about getting Dylan, then getting Madison shortly after.

Nothing new

No new pictures, no new measurements, no word on travel. Our dossier should be in VN and being translated as we speak. Oh, and we decided we aren't going to name the second baby Zoey. She's going to be Madison Ann, the name we've had picked out for 8 years. I don't care that it's now one of the most popular names in the country-we had it first! LOL. Maybe the second girl will be Zoey. ;-)

It's good!

The dossier is in my agency's hands, fully authenticated, and complete. Instead of mailing it to Hanoi, they are sending it with their facilitator, who's going to VN in 2 days. That way, it gets hand-delivered even quicker. They expect 10-14 for translating and logging it in with IAD (international adoption department). Everything is moving so fast, it's wonderful!! Every day saved is an extra day with my baby! I would love to be with him for his 8-month birthday on November 26. That's pushing it, but it's possible!

Oh, and the 'rule' about adoptions needing to be a year apart was just my old agency, not a VN law, so we could start Zoey's adoption now if we wanted. If we had the money. We'll have to look through the budget and see how quick we can get it going.

I'm impressed!

I checked FedEx this morning and my dossier left last night and arrived in Ohio this morning. The agency should get it by 10am! That was quick! I was expecting a week. This just means I'm that much closer to my Dylan. Speaking of, another VORF client is in DaNang right now (as of about 1am today, 1pm VN time) picking up her daughter, and promised to try her best to get pictures of Dylan for me and hold him. She won't be able to send the pics until she gets home, but she should be able to let me know soon if she was able to get any pics. I'm so excited! I hope she got lots of pics of him. I don't think I'll ever have enough pictures of my baby until I can see him in person. If I could afford to live in VN for the next 3 months, I'd do it (if Chris could come, too-otherwise, I'd probably end up in the wrong country with my common sense if I went by myself!).

I'm just so excited my paperwork was authenticated easily. At least I hope it was. Hopefully, they didn't send it back so quick because there was a problem. Now I'm worried about that. I suppose I'll hear from my agency today, though. If all is well, it will be sent to VN for translation, then to the adoption center in VN. This is going way too smooth. Please pray it continues to go this smooth. The quicker the paper moves through, the sooner I can hold my precious baby boy!

On another note, I have a good friend that's leaving in 8 days to pick up her son in Russia. She already went there once to get his referral (it works a little different than VN) and she hasn't seen him in FIVE MONTHS! Can you imagine? Holding your son, then having to leave him in another country! It's been very hard for her to wait, but it will all be worth it in less than 2 weeks! Good luck A!

Dossier is being authenticated!

My dossier left VORF yesterday and will be delivered this afternoon to the VN Embassy in San Francisco for authentication. They expect this to take no more than a week. Then it goes back to my agency and immediately to Vietnam for translation! We're getting there!

In the meantime, we're trying to fill our time with projects. We made a mai tei, which is an Asian baby carrier. It's a rectangle of fabric with four straps, one coming from each corner. The baby gets snuggled up against you (front or back), the two bottom straps go around your waist, and the two top straps go over the shoulders and wrap around to tie under the baby's bottom. They look cool and I've heard they're the most comfortable carriers because they distribute the baby's weight evenly and don't hurt your back or shoulders. I haven't taken any pics of it, but if I can remember, I'll do that. Next up is the adoption scrapbook. We've never scrapbooked before, but we want to do one of the adoption process, along with our 'wishes' from a quilt square swap we did. Mom W. is making the quilt for us. We want to do another book of the trip itself, then of course, a baby book. I have an adoption journal to fill out for Dylan with info about us, our families, how we got him, etc. We're planning on making a shopping cart seat cover as well. We have the pattern and fabric already. I also have to start working on a packing list for the trip. I think all that will keep us busy at least a couple weeks. Maybe. Any ideas for the other 3 months???

Letter to my son

August 24, 2006
My dear sweet son Dylan,

I saw your picture for the first time 2 days ago and I immediately loved you so much it hurts. I can’t wait to meet you. I’m so proud of you and have been showing your pictures to everyone I know. I can’t imagine the pain your birthmom must have felt having to place you for adoption, but I know she loved you very much and only wanted the best for you. I can’t wait to bring you home. Your room is all ready. Your Daddy, Nana, Papa, Grandma, Aunt Tessa, Uncle Cuna, Aunt Jo, Aunt Susan, Uncle Randy, MaSam, Aunt Pat, Granny and Papa House can’t wait to meet you, too. Along with hundreds of other friends and family. None of us have met you, but you’re already loved so much. You’re my son and you’re the light of my life. I just saw your picture a couple days ago, but I’ve felt you in my heart long before now. You’re the answer to so many prayers and so many dreams, especially Mommy’s and Daddy’s. We love you so much Dylan.

Love,

Mommy

Still on cloud nine!

I just can't stop smiling. I have a sinus infection and feel like crap and even that isn't keeping me down. Dylan is just SO beautiful and I love him so much it hurts. I never thought seeing a picture could make me so happy. We faxed in our Acceptance of Referral yesterday, so it's official.

I went home sick yesterday and went to the doc. Then Chris took the afternoon off and we went up to the county clerks, then to the sec. of state. We got it all mailed today. Two dossiers (one certified), notarized referral acceptance, extra passport pictures, agency contract, and a check. CHI will be refunding most of our fees we've paid to them. They're only keeping the application fees. I don't even care. I'm so happy right now, it's worth every penny. It's worth every heartache I've been through. It's all worth it for him. My precious son. I love you Dylan!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Dylan Alexander (born Trung Vinh) was born on March 26, 2006 in Danang, Vietnam. At 6 weeks old, he weighed 10 pounds, 2 ounces. I'm so excited, happy, and absolutely in love with him. He's the most beautiful, healthy baby I've ever seen and I can't wait to hold him! We're hoping to travel around Thanksgiving.

Now, you're probably wondering how in the world this happened. Well, let me tell you. I was reading on a Yahoo group where someone posted they had switched from CHI to VORF (Vietnam Orphans Relief Fund). I contacted her (Susan) and asked why she switched. She told me the wait was just getting too long. I agreed and said I was thinking of switching. She said she thought her agency had 3 little boys available and no approved families that wanted a boy. I contacted them immediately and it was all a blur from there. Somehow, in 3 days, I've cancelled my contract with CHI, signed up with VORF (though not officially since they just overnighted me the contract yesterday and I'm faxing it in to them tomorrow), and got a referral. It's been crazy. We started our dossier yesterday, which consists of a VN application, a commitment letter (we are required to send yearly updated to VN until Dylan is 18), police record checks, verfication of employment letters, medical clearances (no contagious diseases), our coveted 171 CIS approval, and the homestudy. We finished today and are taking it tomorrow or Thursday to the county for certification. Then we take it to the state, then our agency sends it to the VN embassy for authentication. Then it goes with our referral to VN and they start working on translating and getting everything together for Dylan's dossier. It's going to be a wild ride!! We hope to have him home by Christmas.

Yard sale

We decided not to use that parking lot for our sale. Although the traffic would be great, putting it together would be a logistical nightmare. We can't take the stuff ahead of time, so we would be making several trips the morning of the sale. We couldn't just drop it off and go back for more-one of us would have to stay with it. And the driving from where we're keeping everything to this place would take hours for all the trips we'd need to make. So, we're having it at our own house, on a Friday and Saturday. Sept. 22-23. Anyone who is local (family) and would like to help, please do! We're going to need lots of help. Amazingly, we have MORE for this sale than the last one. The stuff keeps pouring in (which we're so grateful for) and it's going to be a lot of work. Between now and then, we're going to bring the stuff over to our house a little at a time, make sure everything is priced, and just store as much as possible in the garage. But it almost fills a 2-car garage right now. This is going to a great sale. We were going to make this the last, but since there's SO much (and over half of it wasn't in previous sales), we'll probably save it for another sale in October or next spring, before we get Dylan.

So hard

I never thought anything in life would be as hard as infertility (other than loved ones' deaths, but those we've experienced are quicker to recover from at least-this just keeps going). But adoption takes the cake. This is horrible. I have avoided saying anything because I don't want to paint a negative picture of adoption. I hear it truly is a wonderful experience. After it's all over, of course. Because that's when you have your baby. Which I don't. I'm miserable. It's only getting worse. I am not handling this wait very well at ALL. It's killing me a little bit at a time. I cry at least once a day. I try to hold back until I get home, so poor Chris has to deal with an emotional mess every night. He's my rock, though. I don't know how I'd get through this alone. We have an incredibly strong marriage, and this process is making it even stronger. It's not exactly how I wanted to strengthen my marriage, though. I really feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I was watching an old Friends rerun and one of them found out they were pregnant. I busted out crying. Stupid commercials for birthing suites at a local hospital make me cry. Walking into Dylan's room makes me cry. Seeing a pregnant person upsets me. I can't do baby showers. I tried to go to one last weekend and had to disappear after a few minutes. I just can't handle it. I can't attend my good friend's shower this weekend. She's pregnant after infertility, so she totally understands. I don't think most people understand. And that's ok. I never would have, either, had I not gone through this. I actually had a breakdown at work last week. Talk about embarassing. And once the tears start, there's no stopping them. Chris wants me to mention it at my doctor's appointment this week (I'm going because my stupid insurance company no longer covers the heartburn meds they made me switch to a couple years ago). I really don't want to go on anti-depressants again. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just don't want to feel like I have to be medicated to feel normal. But at the same time, I can't go on feeling like this. I know I'm no fun to be around. It really scares me that I'll get PAD (post-adoption depression). It's very real and mimics post-partum depression. I try not to think about it, though, because I don't want to talk myself into getting it, you know? It's just something I have to watch out for-a history of depression makes me more prone to it. Another bad thing is being upset has the opposite effect on me with my diet. Most people stop eating. I'm an emotional eater. I'm struggling not to gain a lot of weight. I've already gained 10 pounds that I worked so hard to lose. It only took a couple months to gain that much. By the time we get Dylan home, I'll be a blimp if I'm not careful. Especially with all the delays.

Being the OCD person that I am, I've made a spreadsheet that keeps up with every referral coming through, my current spot on the list (#19 for a boy), and the time elapsed. It automatically calculates the average number of referrals per month (2.3 boys) and estimates when I'll get my referral based on that average and my number. It also calculates my current spot on the list when I add new referrals. Anyway, at the current rate, I should get a referral on 4/29/07 (travel is 4-5 months after that). I did hear rumor there was a referral last week, but it hasn't been announced yet (we get regular updates from the VN coordinator with our agency). If it was a boy, that moves our date back to 3/16/07. So you see, either way, we're screwed. We are still being told 4-5 months from when we get on the list. That would mean we should get a referral in Oct. or Nov. They have had 17 boy referrals since VN reopened to the US in January through my agency. That was EIGHT months ago. And they expect another 19 in the next 2-3 months?!? I don't see it happening. And I just can't make it through another Christmas without my baby.

Off topic update

I had my wisdom teeth out on Monday. Apparently, I am recovering quicker than anyone can believe. I only took 2 pain pills the day of surgery, and went back to work the next morning at 6am. I'm a little sore, but I'm eating normal foods.

We spent all weekend building our veiled chameleon a new 5' cage. We're really proud of it. It looks awesome. It's a wood frame with mesh on the top half and plexiglass on the bottom half. We designed it ourselves. Tell me what you think!

Here's what we built the cage for (he'll grow into it!):
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/Friends010.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/CJcage019.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/CJcage021.jpg