It's good!

The dossier is in my agency's hands, fully authenticated, and complete. Instead of mailing it to Hanoi, they are sending it with their facilitator, who's going to VN in 2 days. That way, it gets hand-delivered even quicker. They expect 10-14 for translating and logging it in with IAD (international adoption department). Everything is moving so fast, it's wonderful!! Every day saved is an extra day with my baby! I would love to be with him for his 8-month birthday on November 26. That's pushing it, but it's possible!

Oh, and the 'rule' about adoptions needing to be a year apart was just my old agency, not a VN law, so we could start Zoey's adoption now if we wanted. If we had the money. We'll have to look through the budget and see how quick we can get it going.

I'm impressed!

I checked FedEx this morning and my dossier left last night and arrived in Ohio this morning. The agency should get it by 10am! That was quick! I was expecting a week. This just means I'm that much closer to my Dylan. Speaking of, another VORF client is in DaNang right now (as of about 1am today, 1pm VN time) picking up her daughter, and promised to try her best to get pictures of Dylan for me and hold him. She won't be able to send the pics until she gets home, but she should be able to let me know soon if she was able to get any pics. I'm so excited! I hope she got lots of pics of him. I don't think I'll ever have enough pictures of my baby until I can see him in person. If I could afford to live in VN for the next 3 months, I'd do it (if Chris could come, too-otherwise, I'd probably end up in the wrong country with my common sense if I went by myself!).

I'm just so excited my paperwork was authenticated easily. At least I hope it was. Hopefully, they didn't send it back so quick because there was a problem. Now I'm worried about that. I suppose I'll hear from my agency today, though. If all is well, it will be sent to VN for translation, then to the adoption center in VN. This is going way too smooth. Please pray it continues to go this smooth. The quicker the paper moves through, the sooner I can hold my precious baby boy!

On another note, I have a good friend that's leaving in 8 days to pick up her son in Russia. She already went there once to get his referral (it works a little different than VN) and she hasn't seen him in FIVE MONTHS! Can you imagine? Holding your son, then having to leave him in another country! It's been very hard for her to wait, but it will all be worth it in less than 2 weeks! Good luck A!

Dossier is being authenticated!

My dossier left VORF yesterday and will be delivered this afternoon to the VN Embassy in San Francisco for authentication. They expect this to take no more than a week. Then it goes back to my agency and immediately to Vietnam for translation! We're getting there!

In the meantime, we're trying to fill our time with projects. We made a mai tei, which is an Asian baby carrier. It's a rectangle of fabric with four straps, one coming from each corner. The baby gets snuggled up against you (front or back), the two bottom straps go around your waist, and the two top straps go over the shoulders and wrap around to tie under the baby's bottom. They look cool and I've heard they're the most comfortable carriers because they distribute the baby's weight evenly and don't hurt your back or shoulders. I haven't taken any pics of it, but if I can remember, I'll do that. Next up is the adoption scrapbook. We've never scrapbooked before, but we want to do one of the adoption process, along with our 'wishes' from a quilt square swap we did. Mom W. is making the quilt for us. We want to do another book of the trip itself, then of course, a baby book. I have an adoption journal to fill out for Dylan with info about us, our families, how we got him, etc. We're planning on making a shopping cart seat cover as well. We have the pattern and fabric already. I also have to start working on a packing list for the trip. I think all that will keep us busy at least a couple weeks. Maybe. Any ideas for the other 3 months???

Letter to my son

August 24, 2006
My dear sweet son Dylan,

I saw your picture for the first time 2 days ago and I immediately loved you so much it hurts. I can’t wait to meet you. I’m so proud of you and have been showing your pictures to everyone I know. I can’t imagine the pain your birthmom must have felt having to place you for adoption, but I know she loved you very much and only wanted the best for you. I can’t wait to bring you home. Your room is all ready. Your Daddy, Nana, Papa, Grandma, Aunt Tessa, Uncle Cuna, Aunt Jo, Aunt Susan, Uncle Randy, MaSam, Aunt Pat, Granny and Papa House can’t wait to meet you, too. Along with hundreds of other friends and family. None of us have met you, but you’re already loved so much. You’re my son and you’re the light of my life. I just saw your picture a couple days ago, but I’ve felt you in my heart long before now. You’re the answer to so many prayers and so many dreams, especially Mommy’s and Daddy’s. We love you so much Dylan.

Love,

Mommy

Still on cloud nine!

I just can't stop smiling. I have a sinus infection and feel like crap and even that isn't keeping me down. Dylan is just SO beautiful and I love him so much it hurts. I never thought seeing a picture could make me so happy. We faxed in our Acceptance of Referral yesterday, so it's official.

I went home sick yesterday and went to the doc. Then Chris took the afternoon off and we went up to the county clerks, then to the sec. of state. We got it all mailed today. Two dossiers (one certified), notarized referral acceptance, extra passport pictures, agency contract, and a check. CHI will be refunding most of our fees we've paid to them. They're only keeping the application fees. I don't even care. I'm so happy right now, it's worth every penny. It's worth every heartache I've been through. It's all worth it for him. My precious son. I love you Dylan!

IT'S A BOY!!!

Dylan Alexander (born Trung Vinh) was born on March 26, 2006 in Danang, Vietnam. At 6 weeks old, he weighed 10 pounds, 2 ounces. I'm so excited, happy, and absolutely in love with him. He's the most beautiful, healthy baby I've ever seen and I can't wait to hold him! We're hoping to travel around Thanksgiving.

Now, you're probably wondering how in the world this happened. Well, let me tell you. I was reading on a Yahoo group where someone posted they had switched from CHI to VORF (Vietnam Orphans Relief Fund). I contacted her (Susan) and asked why she switched. She told me the wait was just getting too long. I agreed and said I was thinking of switching. She said she thought her agency had 3 little boys available and no approved families that wanted a boy. I contacted them immediately and it was all a blur from there. Somehow, in 3 days, I've cancelled my contract with CHI, signed up with VORF (though not officially since they just overnighted me the contract yesterday and I'm faxing it in to them tomorrow), and got a referral. It's been crazy. We started our dossier yesterday, which consists of a VN application, a commitment letter (we are required to send yearly updated to VN until Dylan is 18), police record checks, verfication of employment letters, medical clearances (no contagious diseases), our coveted 171 CIS approval, and the homestudy. We finished today and are taking it tomorrow or Thursday to the county for certification. Then we take it to the state, then our agency sends it to the VN embassy for authentication. Then it goes with our referral to VN and they start working on translating and getting everything together for Dylan's dossier. It's going to be a wild ride!! We hope to have him home by Christmas.

Yard sale

We decided not to use that parking lot for our sale. Although the traffic would be great, putting it together would be a logistical nightmare. We can't take the stuff ahead of time, so we would be making several trips the morning of the sale. We couldn't just drop it off and go back for more-one of us would have to stay with it. And the driving from where we're keeping everything to this place would take hours for all the trips we'd need to make. So, we're having it at our own house, on a Friday and Saturday. Sept. 22-23. Anyone who is local (family) and would like to help, please do! We're going to need lots of help. Amazingly, we have MORE for this sale than the last one. The stuff keeps pouring in (which we're so grateful for) and it's going to be a lot of work. Between now and then, we're going to bring the stuff over to our house a little at a time, make sure everything is priced, and just store as much as possible in the garage. But it almost fills a 2-car garage right now. This is going to a great sale. We were going to make this the last, but since there's SO much (and over half of it wasn't in previous sales), we'll probably save it for another sale in October or next spring, before we get Dylan.

So hard

I never thought anything in life would be as hard as infertility (other than loved ones' deaths, but those we've experienced are quicker to recover from at least-this just keeps going). But adoption takes the cake. This is horrible. I have avoided saying anything because I don't want to paint a negative picture of adoption. I hear it truly is a wonderful experience. After it's all over, of course. Because that's when you have your baby. Which I don't. I'm miserable. It's only getting worse. I am not handling this wait very well at ALL. It's killing me a little bit at a time. I cry at least once a day. I try to hold back until I get home, so poor Chris has to deal with an emotional mess every night. He's my rock, though. I don't know how I'd get through this alone. We have an incredibly strong marriage, and this process is making it even stronger. It's not exactly how I wanted to strengthen my marriage, though. I really feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I was watching an old Friends rerun and one of them found out they were pregnant. I busted out crying. Stupid commercials for birthing suites at a local hospital make me cry. Walking into Dylan's room makes me cry. Seeing a pregnant person upsets me. I can't do baby showers. I tried to go to one last weekend and had to disappear after a few minutes. I just can't handle it. I can't attend my good friend's shower this weekend. She's pregnant after infertility, so she totally understands. I don't think most people understand. And that's ok. I never would have, either, had I not gone through this. I actually had a breakdown at work last week. Talk about embarassing. And once the tears start, there's no stopping them. Chris wants me to mention it at my doctor's appointment this week (I'm going because my stupid insurance company no longer covers the heartburn meds they made me switch to a couple years ago). I really don't want to go on anti-depressants again. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just don't want to feel like I have to be medicated to feel normal. But at the same time, I can't go on feeling like this. I know I'm no fun to be around. It really scares me that I'll get PAD (post-adoption depression). It's very real and mimics post-partum depression. I try not to think about it, though, because I don't want to talk myself into getting it, you know? It's just something I have to watch out for-a history of depression makes me more prone to it. Another bad thing is being upset has the opposite effect on me with my diet. Most people stop eating. I'm an emotional eater. I'm struggling not to gain a lot of weight. I've already gained 10 pounds that I worked so hard to lose. It only took a couple months to gain that much. By the time we get Dylan home, I'll be a blimp if I'm not careful. Especially with all the delays.

Being the OCD person that I am, I've made a spreadsheet that keeps up with every referral coming through, my current spot on the list (#19 for a boy), and the time elapsed. It automatically calculates the average number of referrals per month (2.3 boys) and estimates when I'll get my referral based on that average and my number. It also calculates my current spot on the list when I add new referrals. Anyway, at the current rate, I should get a referral on 4/29/07 (travel is 4-5 months after that). I did hear rumor there was a referral last week, but it hasn't been announced yet (we get regular updates from the VN coordinator with our agency). If it was a boy, that moves our date back to 3/16/07. So you see, either way, we're screwed. We are still being told 4-5 months from when we get on the list. That would mean we should get a referral in Oct. or Nov. They have had 17 boy referrals since VN reopened to the US in January through my agency. That was EIGHT months ago. And they expect another 19 in the next 2-3 months?!? I don't see it happening. And I just can't make it through another Christmas without my baby.

Off topic update

I had my wisdom teeth out on Monday. Apparently, I am recovering quicker than anyone can believe. I only took 2 pain pills the day of surgery, and went back to work the next morning at 6am. I'm a little sore, but I'm eating normal foods.

We spent all weekend building our veiled chameleon a new 5' cage. We're really proud of it. It looks awesome. It's a wood frame with mesh on the top half and plexiglass on the bottom half. We designed it ourselves. Tell me what you think!

Here's what we built the cage for (he'll grow into it!):
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/Friends010.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/CJcage019.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a102/chrisnsteph1022/CJcage021.jpg

Yard sale and an update on wait times

The yard sale went really well. We raised over $700!! And we have enough stuff left over for another one! We're planning one for September or October. A local business was generous enough to let us use their parking lot in the middle of town, so we'll get tons of traffic!! I'm still working on my thank-you cards, but thanks to anyone and everyone reading this that have supported us in any way. I can't send cards to everyone that has supported us emotionally, because so many have. And we're so grateful and blessed for that.

Now, the bad news. The current wait time for a boy in Vietnam with our agency is 4-5 months from getting on the list until a referral. Then it's another 4-5 months to travel. So we're looking at 8-10 months, minimum. The wait could get longer, but won't get shorter. There's NO way we're traveling this year. We'll be lucky to have our referral by Christmas now. We're both so upset and down about this. Every day gets harder. I'm trying to look at the bright side that at least we'll have more time to save up. And tell myself that I know this just means Dylan isn't ready for us yet. But that doesn't make the wait easier. The hard part is going to be spending Christmas without my baby. I'm defnitely not looking forward to that. And I'm frustrated because I really just want the exact number I am on the list for a boy and I can't seem to get it! They keep telling me I'm #58 (there's been ONE referral in the 4 weeks we've been on the list). But a lot of those are wanting girls. The wait for girls is 18-24 months, as opposed to my 4-5. I guess that's one thing I have to be grateful for. Of course, it makes me wonder if I should go ahead and start our second adoption NOW since the wait is so long. (Don't worry, even if we COULD afford that, they won't let us start another one until we've been home with Dylan for 6 months.)

Breastfeeding

I just want to preface this post by saying I know this is not common and most people don't even realize it's possible. However, that doesn't mean it's wrong or not healthy. Everyone knows the research shows breast milk is the best source of nutrition for babies. It's also a great way to bond with a child. And what child needs bonding and nutrition more than a baby from an orphanage? So, I'm very excited to say that we are preparing to breastfeed Dylan! It's going to a lot of hard work, but I'm willing to try if there's a chance of it working. Here's how it works.

I've begun Yaz, which is a contraceptive pill with higher doses of estrogen. It tries to mimic the pregnancy hormone levels and make your body think it's pregnant. Simultaneously, I will be taking domperidone, which is a nausea drug that has a side effect of producing prolactin, the hormone that makes milk. The fact that we have several months (I'm estimating around 6), makes our chance of success very high. I'm also taking a prenatal vitamin and eating oatmeal 3x/week (it seems to increase milk supply). Once we get a referral, we'll be about 3-4 months from getting Dylan. At that time, I'll discontinue the birth control, start taking a couple herbs (blessed thistle and fenugreek seed), and start pumping with a hospital-grade pump. I will have to pump 3-4x/day and work up to 8x/day. After 2-4 weeks of pumping, I should start producing milk. As soon as we get him, I should try to nurse him, but if he doesn't take right to it (which I don't expect him to), I can still pump and feed him breastmilk through a supplemental nursing system or a bottle (though I'm not supposed to use a bottle).

I'm not sure how long we'll nurse him, but I don't really agree with nursing past the age where the kid can ask for it and open your shirt. I'm not in any place to tell other people how to raise their kids, but that just seems weird to me, so we won't be doing that. I always said no longer than 12 months, but he may as old as 10 months when we get him, so maybe up to 18 months old. I'm not sure. We'll have to play that by ear. For now, I'm just hoping this will work. I'm seeing a lactation consultant that specializes in adoptive breastfeeding (and she says it's becoming very popular), and she has had a lot of success with this. I'm scared and nervous about it working, but I'm sure most new moms are.

Only 9 more days until the big yard sale!!

It's going to take FOREVER!!

We're #59 on the list. Most of those want girls, but there are 'at least 20' ahead of us asking for boys. And that's just with OUR agency (CHI). There are some 20+ agencies licensed for adoptions in Vietnam. And that's just in the US! Crap! I'm never going to get my son.

I've started a protocol to prepare my body for induced lactation. It's amazing that I may be able to breastfeed our son without ever being pregnant! We're really excited about it. And scared. It's a lot of work (birth control pills, other drugs, herbs, lots of pumping), but it will be worth it if it works. This extended protocol takes about 6 months, which I'm sure we have, but it has the highest success rate. Of course, we may still have to supplement with formula, but some breastmilk is better for him than none! And it will help with the bonding and attachment issue, which is critical with adopted children. We have to do things a little different with Dylan than most would with a bio child. We can't let him 'cry it out' because he will have experienced abandonment. We can't use a stroller much (we'll use slings and carriers) because he needs to attach to us and learn we're his parents. There's such a fine line between attachment parenting and spoiling the kid. I think that will be hard for us.

WE GOT IT!!!!

Sixty-five days after applying to CIS, we FINALLY got our approval yesterday! We're approved for 2 children (if twins are available, but that's rare). Now we'll officially be on the list to be matched with a child. Hopefully they'll tell me how far down the list we are.

We went to our classes yesterday at the agency. We were there from 8:30am to 6pm, learning all about how to put together our dossier (the paperwork we'll get to start on soon now that we're approved!!!), how to claim the tax credit, what types of investments we should make for our kids, how to re-adopt once we get back to the states (not required, but gives us a certificate of foreign birth that makes it much easier to register for school, etc.), and lots of other fun stuff. All day, I kept thinking we may just have that approval when we got home. They had told us it takes 45 days after getting fingerprinted. Guess how long it was? 46 days.

So now we wait (some more). We'll have to put together our dossier as soon as they tell us to go (probably in about a month). The documents have to be less than 6 months old when we get Dylan, and there is a 4-month wait between referral and travel, so I can only assume that if they tell me to start working on it, we'll have a referral within 2 months. We already ordered birth and marriage certs because our social worker at CHI told us it would be ok, but now we may have to reorder them. That's a little frustrating, since that's about $50 down the drain. On the bright side, I sold my SCUBA gear and the wonderful lady that bought it paid $50 more than we agreed on, just because she's that nice. Granted, it was still less than half of what I paid for it and only used it once, but that's my own fault. They call that a stupid tax.

Anyway, between the classes, getting approved with CIS, and making a little money, it's been a great Father's Day weekend! I got Christopher three DVDs. Good Morning, Vietnam, Platoon, and a documentary about the VN War called We Were Heroes.

A little progress...

We heard back from the senator's office (after 3 emails) confirming our address with CIS is correct now. She also said if we don't have our approval by Monday, let her know and she'll follow up on the status. It's been 9 weeks since we applied and over 6 since we got fingerprinted. Any day now...

We had a yard sale last weekend (not the big one with the bake sale-just trying to clear out some of the stuff we have so far). We didn't do too bad! I was pleasantly surprised. Granted, $300 is not going to hardly put a dent in our $25,000 bill for this adoption, but it's more the mentality that 'it's the thought that counts.' Most of the stuff we sold was our own, but the fact that my mother-in-law, aunt, brother, a coworker and someone at church gave us stuff to sell shows their support and means a lot to us. It shows us that Dylan will be accepted into the family with open arms. My sister and parents are getting stuff together for the next one (they have busy lives and didn't have much notice for the first sale!). I think a couple coworkers and hopefully my sister-in-law will be baking items for the bake sale. I even had a friend out of state offer to donate new items for a raffle. The support of everyone means so much more than anything!

Still waiting

We got Chris' passport last Friday. We're still waiting on CIS approval. And now we're hearing the wait time between approval and referral has gone from a few weeks to 'up to 6 months' though it should take less time than that. I don't think there's any hope of getting Dylan this year. I'm pretty upset about that. In the long run, a month or two is no biggie, but when it comes to the adoption tax credit, it could mean a whole year that we have to pay interest on the money we're borrowing for the adoption.

The yard sale is tentatively set for July 8. We had to keep pushing it out because my parents never have a free weekend, and it's at THEIR house!

Pictures

I've made a photo album for everyone to see all things related to Dylan! So far, I only have pics of the nursery, stroller and car seat. I have the link in my profile if you want to check back in the future.
http://photos.yahoo.com/chrisnsteph1022

Nothing new here

We're still waiting on Chris' renewed passport. Still waiting on our 171H. Just waiting, waiting, waiting....

We're having a yard sale/bake sale in a couple weeks to raise money for the adoption. We've requested donated items from family, friends and church. Hopefully that will help some!

Fingerprints done!

We got our fingerprints done yesterday. We have a completed, notarized copy of the homestudy. Now we just wait for our I171H (approval from CIS). The letter they sent us says that should take 45 days once they get the fingerprints, which take 10 days to process. So, we have 54 days left! HA! I'll believe it when I see it. I've heard it takes much longer.

Regarding the address problem, we called CIS and they told us we have to drive to the local CIS office to correct the problem in person. First off, the 'local' office is 3-4 hours away!! That means taking a vacation day off work to drive halfway across the state. Second, it's THEIR mistake. Our application is very clear (I kept a copy). They had a typo. I asked when I went to get fingerprinted yesterday if they could help, and they said no, I had to call CIS. I explained the situation and what CIS told me and they said that's ridiculous...but they still couldn't help me. So we called CIS again and spoke with a much nicer person (after being on hold for 47 minutes) who told us she couldn't even look our info up in the system without an application number. And the I600A forms don't get assigned application numbers! So she said we had to go in person. Whatever. I've written a letter and enclosed a copy of our app, as well as contacted the senator's office. They're going to try to straighten it out for us. What a mess! All this over ONE digit that was mistyped. We just don't want to take a chance of not getting our approval because our mailman doesn't catch it next time. We're lucky we got the fingerprint referral, considering it was addressed wrong.

On a brighter note, we've already received two gifts for Dylan (I think the name is sticking!). Dad bought us a used car seat. He cleaned it up and it looks like new! It has the LATCH system, which means the base clicks into these metal loops built into newer cars (my SUV has them, but Chris' car doesn't). The carrier can be detached from the base, so no messing with seatbelts and tying things in. Much faster. Hopefully, he'll be small enough to still use an infant carrier (under 20 pounds). I would imagine he would be, but I've heard of a couple 6-month-old's from VN that were already around that weight! The other gift we got was a big gift basket full of baby boy stuff. They were auctioning several different baskets to raise money for my nephew's baseball league and I told my sister I'd pay up to $50 for that basket if she'd bid for me (I wasn't going to stay at the park all day). She ended up going to $60, then said she wanted to buy it for me as a present for the baby. It's SO cute! It's a wooden box that's painted blue and has an airplane on it. Inside, there was a $20 gift card to Walmart, several blankets, an oufit (0-3 months-may be too small), a digital thermometer, a teething ring, ear suction thing, medicine dropper, bibs, and some other stuff. Definitely worth $60! We're so excited about it all!

We also hit a couple garage sales and got a doorway jumper, a bouncy seat, 27 articles of clothes (sizes 6-12 months), a sling carrier, umbrella stroller, and a pack 'n play. All that for $24!! And it's all in good condition. Some of the clothes still had tags on it. And for those thinking "Quit buying stuff-people want to buy things for your shower!"-I've already heard this a couple times-don't worry. We started with NOTHING for a baby, so there is still a LOT that we need. We're not sure if he'll still be on bottles, but most likely he will be, so we'll need all the stuff associated with that, diapers, diaper bag, etc. In fact, we've started a baby registry at Babiesrus.com. You can search by my name if you want to see! We'll be adding more once we know age and size.

Small update

We got our 'invitation' for fingerprinting today. We should be able to go next Tuesday to get fingerprinted. There's a small glitch in that our address was wrong on the invitation-hopefully we can get that fixed without slowing us down. It was close enough that our postman got it to us.

The impatience is kicking in

I'm tired of waiting. Yes, I know my social worker just got back from vacation yesterday, but I want my homestudy write-up NOW! She's supposed to send me a rough draft so I can check all the details (names, address, ssn, etc.), then send it to corporate for a final check, then get it notarized and send a copy to CIS. I'm still waiting on an invitation to get fingerprinted from CIS, too. Once they have my fingerprints processed (not sure how long THAT takes) and have my homestudy in hand, it supposedly only takes 4 weeks. That's what THEIR sheet said. They sent me a sheet and a receipt for the money I gave them last week. But no appointment yet.

I was reading some posts about VN adoptions and saw mention of vaccinations. I checked with CHI's director and she said yes, go ahead and get started on those. I'm hoping if I hadn't mentioned it, they would tell me soon to do those! One of them (Hep B) takes 6 months to complete the series. I have to have Hep A & B, polio, tetanus/diptheria, typhoid, MMR (done long ago), and malaria (only if we are assigned one of the two outlying orphanages). So, I called my doc and asked if he could do these for me. Nope-call the health department. I called the county health department. They rudely told me they don't handle international vaccinations and I needed to go to the Venderbilt Travel Clinic. I called them and they don't take insurance, but what choice do I have? I just hope my insurance will reimburse me. They couldn't even tell me prices. If it weren't Vanderbilt, I'd think it was shady, but...it's Vanderbilt! I called a couple other places, but they were just doctors offices and I'd feel more comfortable with Vandy. When I asked them how much the shots were, they said they couldn't tell me specific prices, but they range from $2 to $500/shot. Nice. I hope I don't need that $500 one!! Our appointment is May 12. Fun times!

Oh, and I think we've decided on a name. But I'm not sure yet, so don't hold me to it. Dylan Alexander. I've only told mom so far and she knows a little boy with the name and he's a terror, so she's not too fond of it, but maybe I can change her opinion of the name with my sweet little boy!